Wednesday, April 25, 2007


The reality of my life is that I'm often depressed. I try to write in this blog at least twice a week, but lately I've just been too down to do it. The rapid cycling doesn't allow me enough "up" time to do anything. I'm tired when I go to bed, and tired when I get up. Often a nap is a necessity.

Difficulty thinking continues to plague me. I've been working part-time at the college library, but even as simple as my duties are there, it's sometimes very difficult to go to work and function the way that I need to. The fact that my photography is going well (awards and sales), just isn't enough to boost my mood for more than a few hours. At least photography gets me out of the house and gives me a purpose for the day.

I've been asked to write a brief autobiography for my upcoming 40th class reunion, but the mental and emotional energy just isn't available. Attempting to complete that task is like dragging an anchor through the jungle. People who don't have a depressive mood disorder often don't understand that those of us who do are not guilty of procrastination, but of extreme lethargy. Our engines are always idling and often remain in "park."

Sometimes, I'm afraid that I will come across as a whiner, but I don't know how to communicate how difficult everyday tasks are without taking that risk. Even a Christian gets to the point of not asking for prayers, because that would be a continual request. A person feels very alone and lonely sometimes, even though aloneness is not a reality. There are many people who have been supportive of me and my ministry, but sometimes I can't see the crowd for the darkness.

This is me, hanging on.

["I'm so low, I could do a ten minute free-fall off the edge of a dime."]


Neva said...

I can offer nothing other than prayers.

Anonymous said...

Who amoung us is not in need of prayer? I continualy pray for you my friend. Sit down and start typing, my autobiography is complete,you can do it also! See you next month!