Twisted Wisdom

No, I haven't forgotten you. I've just been hip deep in moving and photography (the birds are coming back). Here's some entertainment, until I return.

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A psychiatrist was addressing a group of people who had all had experiences with the supernatural. He asked, "Who here has seen a ghost?" Everyone put up their hands. He then asked, "Who here has spoken with a ghost?" Half of the audience put up their hands. Then he enquired, "Who here has touched a ghost?" Ten per cent of the group put up their hands.

Finally, he asked, "Who here has kissed a ghost?" One little man in the back of the room raised his hand. The psychiatrist looked down from the podium at the little man and said, "Do you mean to tell me that you have actually kissed a ghost?" The man meekly replied, "Oh, No! I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you very well. I thought you said goat."

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For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

01-I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

02-42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

03-Remember that half of the people you know are below average.

04-For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

05-The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.

06-A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

07-If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

08-How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand....

09-If all of the beautiful girls in the world were crazy about you...they would be..well..crazy.

10-Ten days ago, I was ugly, broke and unpopular. Today, I'm ten days older.

11-A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Don't mess with a teacher!

12-A woman's work is never done, unless she's single.

He who laughs last, laughs longest. He didn't get the joke.

["I'm so low I could do a ten minute free-fall off the edge of a dime."]